Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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