you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
