I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
