she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
