I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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