"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
