you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
