well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
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I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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