Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
