He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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