Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
