weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
