Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
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