one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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