there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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