My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
