I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I FOUND THE LEGS
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
