My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
