i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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