Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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