i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
