I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
