I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
