My hand turned me down
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
