Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
