70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize