I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
