I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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