Just mADE A PArabola og urine
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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