I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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