bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can't put those talents on a resume
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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