I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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