I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
