plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
