you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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