we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He did a backflip because drugs
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