just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
