its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
