dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
