At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I love you. Go after that dick
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
