She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
