After last night, I could never be a politician.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
