1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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