So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
do herpes really smell.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
