I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
