we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
