where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
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Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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