Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
