Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
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I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
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Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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