Don't make out with my wife yet
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
