We got so high we made milksteak
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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