There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
