My nipple is on Facebook.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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