sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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