every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
