I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
