How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
