last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
