Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
