you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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