I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
worst night to have a conscience
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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