You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize