Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
