I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
only if we run a train.
done.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
