My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
