that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
