I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
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I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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