That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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