i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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