Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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