Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
well you can't waste a boner
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
