now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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