everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
