he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i think i have herpe
just one?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
